I had been in a major, compelling conflict with a girlfriend for over two years that really needed to be spoken out, but I felt so resistant to it. Literally felt no room for it, not from her side neither mine.
And quite honestly, I would have preferred never to have that conversation, but a mutual friend’s wedding was coming up and I didn’t feel like a cold (or visible, even worse 😉 war during the wedding.
Another friend brought me in contact with a loving therapist who worked according the Transformative Conflict Resolution method. A deep dive way of mediation.
This was what I was looking for: I wanted to learn why this didn’t flow – or rather: cost me tons of energy and made me very insecure – before I could talk to her.
What went wrong? What was wrong with me?
The sessions were so touching, it went straight into the deeper core.
To my deepest fearful thought of being a failure. And the terrible feeling it gave me.
Not only in this relationship but in so many other relationships and situations.
When I got to see it I felt liberated.
I had resented this bad feeling—my own bad feeling—for years. Every time she made a comment about my life.
And the great thing was: it was just a thought that was at the root of that feeling.
So something that I have control over. Not her, but me. I had made myself feel this way.
I went from victimhood into leadership.
From musts and shoulds to discover my coulds.
From feeling bad to the lovely feeling of empowerment.
It was such a great release.
So intense and beautiful at the same time.
And it was so aligned with how I already worked: helping people go to the pain. And to experience that – if you allow yourself to be with it – it can transform from there.
I decided, I want to learn this too so I can help others take leadership and reconnect with the authentic self and thus the other. And so this fall I joined the Mediation & Coaching course of Chiquita Welmerink from Wel.com.
I have now completed five journeys through this Transformative Conflict Resolution with clients and the results bring tears to my eyes.
They become leaders of their lives again, allow to reconnect with people they have kept a distance from for a long time and feel connected again. With themselves, first and foremost. And can therefore also allow the other person or give them a place.
And this what they solve applies not only to the relationship where it didn’t work but to every subsequent relationship in their path.
It’s so transformative, life changing!
The conflict helps you see what you can do to get different results to make life easier for you again.
And the best thing about this method? You don’t even need the other. If you tackle your own part, you make all the difference!
Are you in an annoying conflict or is it not flowing at all in a certain area in your life and do you want to get rid of that rotten pain it gives you?
In the month of January I will share my knowledge in courses at a reduced rate!
1-on-1 coaching (via mediation method): 299,- (3 sessions of 2 hours)
2-on-1 mediation: 499,- (5 sessions of 2 hours in total for 2 persons)
From February my rates will go to regular rate so take advantage of this opportunity!